SPOTTING A LIZARD
As truthers we are very good at making sure people know the truth.
We all know that reptilian lizard people are out there and we know their goal is a one world government that enslaves humanity.
We are good at communicating this and we explain things in such a way that there is no ambiguity or doubt that we are telling the truth.
As a result of this we have earned people’s trust and are highly regarded by most people in society.
So we have convinced most people of the reptilian plot to harvest our organs and use the electrical impulses in our bodies to power their technology.
Objective one: a success.
What we have failed to do though is adequately explain to people when they have enough evidence to start ignoring their neighbor and giving them disapproving looks because they might be a lizard.
It would be irresponsible of us not to clarify to Joe Normal when they have gathered enough proof to mumble a monosyllabic reply to their neighbor when they wish them good morning, because they are a lizard who wants to harvest their children’s brains.
So here is a handy checklist to help people know with confidence when it’s okay to be sullen and non-communicative to a neighbor who probably wants to attach your grandparents to a giant milking machine:
1. Stare into your neighbor’s eyes and don’t stop staring. Keep staring until they notice you staring. Then move close towards them and keep staring. Move an inch away from them and maintain eye contact. Does your neighbor seem uncomfortable at all? Do they blink? If yes, the odds are they have something to hide. All indications suggest there’s a strong chance they may be a secret lizard and you will have to give them a curt, frosty hello from now on.
2. Is there something not quite right about the way your neighbor dresses? Do the colors not quite work? Or do the clothes they’ve chosen not go together? If so, the odds are they’re not a human being and are trying to SIMULATE looking like a human. No one wants to but it may be time to stop mowing your neighbors side of the lawn as a subtle indication you do not approve of their plans to enslave humanity.
3. Have you ever seen your neighbor enjoying the sunshine? Reptiles notoriously enjoy the sun so there’s a high likelihood your neighbor is a lizard person who wants to harvest your children’s lungs. Maybe it’s time to tut loudly when you see the way your neighbor parks their car. Let them know you’re onto the fact they’re a lizard and you’re not happy.
4. Has your neighbor ever arrived home and said that they were looking forward to going inside and having some dinner? The chances are they are going straight to a fridge stocked entirely with rats and mice - the staple diet of snakes and lizards. It may be time to consider inviting some human neighbors to a dinner party and conspicuously not inviting your neighbors who are lizards.
5. Have you ever seen your neighbor cough? The odds are this is because their throat has been tickled from secretly concealing a long, reptilian tongue that is used to flip out and capture insects up to two metres away. You are left with no choice but to put your foot down and show minimal interest if your neighbor engages you in a conversation about sports over the fence. Then, abruptly look at your watch and tell him there’s something you have to do, before going back inside. Although not explicitly said, you will have registered your discontent that the lizards are going to harvest everyone you know and love, and they will be left there with a feeling of rejection.
So there you have it.
As I say, this is just a useful guide and shouldn’t be taken as 100% gospel. As a rule of thumb though, if one or two of these criteria seem to fit - it may be time to give your neighbor the silent treatment. It may seem harsh, but it's fair considering their goal of connecting humankind to giant conveyor belt machines that siphon off their adrenalin and thyroid glands.